Showing posts with label woody allen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label woody allen. Show all posts

Hannah and Her Sisters (1986) - Church Scene

In this scene, Mickey searches for meaning in religion. No words are said, but it's still one of the most hilarious scenes, especially with the mayonnaise shot.


Actors:

Mickey - Woody Allen

Script:

(get the full script here)

A fairly large congregation sits in darkened pews as the film
cuts to the back, where Mickey, his arms crossed, stands
underneath some stained-glass windows, watching and listening
to the inspiring music.

The choir continues to sing as the movie cuts to Father
Flynn in his office.

He picks up some large, heavy books from a shelf near his
window and he walks over to Mickey, who's standing near his
desk, already holding several tomes.  Father Flynn puts the
books on top of Mickey's pile; Mickey, flipping through the
top one, awkwardly carries his bundle to the door.

Next is seen a close-up of a painting of Jesus Christ on the
cross, complete with crown of thorns and holy expression.
His eyes, especially designed to blink as the lights hit
them, open and close repeatedly.  The hymn plays on, loudly,
as the camera moves back, revealing Mickey, standing outside
a barber shop window, looking at the Christ playing and
shuffling from side to side to gets its eyes' 3-D effect.
Smaller inspirational pictures border the bigger, blinking
Christ.  A barber pole with moving stripes stands nearby;
passing traffic is reflected in the window.

Mickey turns from the window, shrugging, and starts to walk
down the street, past a fruit and vegetable store with open-
air-displayed flowers, past several briskly moving
pedestrians.

With the hymn still playing, the screen goes black briefly.
Mickey opens the door, the light from a hallway illuminating
him.  He's just entered his apartment.  He closes the door
and walks through his dark foyer; he carries a brown bag.
He switches on the light, and walking past his spiral
staircase, past several framed pictures on the wall, he
makes his way to his living room coffee table.  Mickey pulls
a crucifix out of the bag; he looks at it, then puts it on
the table near a pile of books and some objets d'art.  He
then takes out a copy of the New Testament, putting it on
top of the crucifix.  Then out comes a framed picture of a
saint.  It too gets put on the growing pile.  But the bag is
not yet empty.  Next comes a large loaf of Wonder Bread and
a large jar of Hellman's mayonnaise.  Mickey sets them on
top of the saint.

Hannah and Her Sisters (1986) - Music sung by extraterrestrials

During Mickey's first date with Holly after his divorce, he is confronted with a hilarious rock band.
    

Actors:

Holly - Diane Wiest
Mickey - Woody Allen

Vocalist in The 39 Steps (uncredited) Chris Barry
Drummer in The 39 Steps (uncredited) Michael Bramon
Bass Player in The 39 Steps (uncredited) Joe Cerratto
Guitarist in The 39 Steps (uncredited) Pierre Major
Guitarist in The 39 Steps (uncredited) Richard Paul

Script:

(get the full script here)

The film cuts abruptly to Mickey's flashback of his date
with Holly, beginning with a rock club performance.  The
soft jazz becomes loud, pulsating rock.  Three punkers--a
girl with pink hair, a girl with a spiked mohawk, and a guy
with Stevie Wonder braids and sunglasses--watch and bop
their heads to the sounds of the offscreen rock band, The 39
Steps.

The camera moves to the stage, revealing a sleazy-looking
rock band in the midst of their number.

                         THE 39 STEPS
                   (singing)
            "I want to be like you
            I said I'm going to fit into your
            group..."

As the band loudly plays on, the camera moves across the
spellbound audience, sitting at crowded, smoky, small
tables, to reveal a stricken Mickey and a mesmerized Holly
squeezed together at one of them.  A nearby member of the
audience swills beer from a bottle.  Holly, beating time to
the music and enjoying herself, takes a puff of her cigarette.
She wears a wristful of silver bracelets.  She glances at
Mickey impatiently.  He's the only one in the place wearing
a suit.

                         THE 39 STEPS
                   (singing)
            "I don't wanna be different
            Said I'm gonna be just like you
            Because I'm gonna buy the records
            That they play on radio...

Holly turns back to the band, who are still in full swing.
The camera moves down the body of the lead singer, singing
into a microphone, from his longish, curly red hair, through
his cut-off red shirt and sweaty torso, to his guitar.  He
wears several silver bracelets on his wrists and gold
bracelets on his upper arm.  The microphone screeches
feedback.

                         THE 39 STEPS
                   (singing)
            "I'm gonna dance at clubs
            Gonna do just what I'm told
            Because I'm bleedin' now
            And I'm bleedin' now
            I wanna slip, slip, slip, slip,
            slip
            Into the crowd
            I wanna slip, slip, slip, slip,
            slip
            Into the crowd..."

The camera moves back to Holly and the even more stricken-
looking Mickey.  They are crowded in with people.  In the
background, a waitress holds up a tray.  A man drinks from a
glass mug; people chatter indistinctly over the loud band.
The club is noisy, smoky, and thick with people.  Holly
glances at Mickey once again, this time unable to contain
her annoyance.

                         HOLLY
            Oh, why are you making those faces?

                         MICKEY
                   (leaning over to
                   Holly, gesturing)
            I can't hear you.  I can't hear
            anything.  I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna
            lose hearing in my ear!  I'm--

                         HOLLY
                   (interrupting,
                   gesturing to the
                   offscreen band)
            Listen, you are witnessing genius!

                         MICKEY
                   (pointing to his ears)
            I, I, my ears are experiencing a
            meltdown!  I can't hear anything.

                         HOLLY
                   (overlapping,
                   gesturing dramatically)
            Look, can't you feel the energy?
            It's tangible energy!  The room's
            alive with positive vibrations!

She opens a vial of cocaine.

                         MICKEY
                   (gesturing, trying to
                   talk over the band)
            Holly, I'm frightened!  I'm--After
            they sing... they're gonna take
            hostages!  Now let's--

Holly holds a short metal straw of cocaine to her nose and
sniffs it.

                         MICKEY
                   (panicking)
            Don't, no, please.  Will you-- No,
            don't...

                         HOLLY
                   (holding the straw
                   towards Mickey)
            You want some?

                         THE 39 STEPS
                   (singing in the
                   background while
                   Holly and Mickey talk)
            "I want to dress like you
            Say, I'll buy all the clothes
            I want to fuck like you
            Yeah, I'm sure it shows
            Because I'm..."

                         MICKEY
                   (shaking his head)
            I don't.  No.  No.

                         HOLLY
                   (overlapping, sniffing)
            Come on, Mickey.  Come on.

                         MICKEY
                   (overlapping, gesturing)
            But, no, you've been doing that all
            night!  You're gonna...you're gonna
            burn a hole in your... You're gonna
            develop a third nostril!  Really,
                   (putting his hand on
                   Holly's shoulder)
            don't, please.

While Mickey pleads with her, Holly puts her cocaine vial
into her purse.  She holds a finger against one nostril and
sniffs.  She then picks up her lit cigarette and continues
to smoke.

                         MICKEY
            Can we, can we go?

                         HOLLY
                   (looking at the
                   offscreen hand,
                   bopping her head to
                   the music and smoking)
            No!

                         MICKEY
                   (touching his ear in pain)
            My--uh...

The camera leaves the crowded tables and moves back to the
band.  The lead singers continues to sing with his band,
swaying his body to the music...

                         THE 39 STEPS
                   (singing)
            "...Gonna buy the records
            That they play on the radio..."

...as the film cuts abruptly to outside the rock club.  The
music has stopped.  Mickey and Holly, almost in dark
silhouette, are walking at a fast clip along the sidewalk,
arguing.  They pass some lighted clothing store windows; a
few cars go by in the dark street.

                         HOLLY
                   (enthusiastically)
            I love songs about extraterrestrial
            life, don't you?

                         MICKEY
            Not when they're sung by
            extraterrestrials.

Annie Hall (1977) - Commentary and Dissent formed Dysentery

During Robin's party, Alvy just wants to watch the Knicks game and delivers the line: "I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery."



Actors:

Robin (Alvy's ex-wife) - Janet Margolin
Alvy Singer - Woody Allen

Script:

(get the full script here)

 ROBIN 
  There's Henry Drucker.  He has a chair 
  in history at Princeton.  Oh, the short 
  man is Hershel Kaminsky.  He has a chair 
  in philosophy at Cornell.

    ALVY 
  Yeah, two more chairs and they got a 
  dining-room set.

    ROBIN 
  Why are you so hostile?

    ALVY 
   (Sighing) 
  'Cause I wanna watch the Knicks on 
  television.

    ROBIN 
   (Squinting) 
  Is that Paul Goodman?  No. And be nice 
  to the host because he's publishing my 
  book.  Hi, Doug!  Douglas Wyatt.  
  "A Foul-Rag-and-Bone Shop-of-the-Heart."

They move through the rooms, Robin holding a drink in one hand, her arm draped 
in Alvy's; the crowd mills around them.

    ALVY 
   (Taking Robin's hand) 
  I'm so tired of spending evenings making 
  fake insights with people who work for 
  Dysentery.

    ROBIN 
  Commentary.

    ALVY 
  Oh, really, I heard that Commentary and 
  Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.

Manhattan (1979) - "People should mate for life - like pigeons, or catholics

In this scene, Ike vents his frustration about "pseudointellectual garbage" and delivers the famous pigeon line.


Actors:

Tracy - Mariel Hemingway
Issac - Woody Allen

Script:

(get the full script here)

IKE (Sighing) What a creep! Could you believe her? I mean, she was really—

TRACY (Interrupting) Oh, she seemed real nervous.

IKE Nervous? She was overbearing. She was, mm, you know, mm, terrible. She was all cerebral (Sighing and pointing to bis head) you know. Wh-was—where the hell does that little Radcliffe tootsie come off rating, mm, Scott Fitzgerald and Gustav Mahler and then Heinrich Boll?

TRACY (Putting a can in her basket) I don't understand why you're getting so mad.

IKE I'm mad because I don't like that pseudointellectual garbage. And she was pedantic. Van Gogh. (Prouncing it "Goch") Did you hear that? She said "Van Goch." I couldn't— Like an Arab she spoke. I couldn't. . . and if she had made one more remark about Bergman, I would've knocked her other contact lens out.
He makes a fist in the air.

TRACY (Putting a container of cocoa in her basket) Oh, is she Yale's mistress?
 
IKE (Shaking his head) That will never cease to mystify me. I mean, he's got a wonderful wife and he prefers to—to, mm, diddle this little yo-yo that—that. . . you know. Uh, but—but he was always a sucker for, uh, th-th-those kind of women, you know, the kind, uh, who'd involve him in discussions of existential reality, you know. They probably sit around on the floor with wine and cheese and mispronounce "allegorical" and "didacticism." He sighs.

TRACY Well, I get the feeling that Yale really likes her.

IKE Well, I'm old-fashioned. I don't believe in extramarital relation¬ships. I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.

Manhattan (1979) - My worst orgasm was right on the money

This clip is from the very funny fundraiser scene at the MoMa.


Actors:

Issac (Ike) - Woody Allen
Mary - Diane Keaton
Dennis - Michael O'Donoghue
Polly - Tisa Farrow

Script:

(get the full script of Manhattan here)

IKE Ha-has anybody read that the Nazis are gonna march in New Jersey, you know? (Helen and Polly shake their heads no) I read this in the newspa­per. (Waving his fist) We should go down there, get some guys to­gether, you know, get some bricks and baseball bats and really explain things to 'em.
JERRY There was this devastating satirical piece on that on the Op-Ed page of the Times. It was devastating.
IKE W-e-e-ell, a satirical piece in the Times is one thing, but bricks and baseball bats really gets right to the point down there.
HELEN (Overlapping) Oh, but really biting satire is always better than physical force.
IKE But true physical force is always better with Nazis, uh ... because it's hard to satirize a guy with, uh, shiny boots on.
HELEN Oh, you get emotional, I know, but— DENNIS (Interrupting) Excuse me—
IKE (Nodding)  It's—it's all right.
DENNIS (Overlapping) —we were talking about orgasms.
MARY (Chuckling, reacting) Oh, no, please wait, no.
IKE (Overlapping) Oh, really? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—
DENNIS (Interrupting) Really?
MARY (Overlapping) Give me a break, Dennis.
DENNIS (Defensively) Well, we were.
MARY No, I'm from Philadelphia. We never talk about things like that in public.
IKE (Chuckling) Yeah, you said that the other day.
DENNIS I'm, uh—
IKE (Interrupting, to Mary) I didn't know what the hell it meant then, either.
DENNIS I'm just about to direct a film—
IKE (Interrupting) Ah-ha.
DENNIS —uh, of my own script and, um ... the premise is: This guy screws so great—
IKE (Interrupting) Screws so great?
DENNIS —screws so great that when ... he brings a woman to orgasm, she's so fulfilled . . . that she dies, right? Now, this one . . . (Looking at Mary) excuse me, finds this hostile.
MARY (Shaking her head) This one? Hostile . . . God, it's worse than hostile. It's aggressive-homicidal.
DENNIS I beg your—
IKE (Interrupting, reacting)  She dies?
MARY (To Ike, laughing nervously) You-you-you have to forgive Dennis.
DENNIS (Musing over everyone's reactions) He might not.
MARY He's Harvard direct to Beverly Hills.
IKE (To Dennis) Is that where you're from?
DENNIS (Nodding) Yeah.
MARY   It's, uh——
IKE (Interrupting, incredulous) Is that where you're from? MARY It's Theodor Reik with a touch of Charles Manson.
DENNIS (Nodding) Yeah, right.
POLLY (Speaking for the first time) I.. . uh, I finally had an orgasm and my doctor told me it was the wrong kind.
There is a slight pause while everyone digests Polly's words.
IKE (To Polly, breaking the pause) Tsch. Did you have the wrong kind? Oh, really? I've never had the wrong kind—
POLLY (Interrupting, shrugging) Yes?
IKE —ever, never. Uh, my worst one was right on the money.

Annie Hall (1977) - "Right now it's only a notion"

Includes the memorable line: "Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get money to make it into a concept ... and later turn it into an idea."


Actors:

Alvy Singer - Woody Allen

Script:

(get the full script here)

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS STREET RESIDENTIAL AREA - DAY

Rob, Annie and Alvy in Rob's car pull into a long circular driveway as an
attendant walks over to the car.  A sprawling house is seen to the right; a
couple moves toward the front door, and the driveway is crowded with other
parked cars.  Loud music is heard.

    ALVY
   (Getting out of the car)
  Hey, don't tell me we're gonna have to
  walk from the car to the house.  Geez,
  my feet haven't touched pavement since
  I reached Los Angeles.

INT. HOUSE

A Hollywood Christmas party is in session, complete with music, milling people,
circulating waiters bolding out trays of drinks.  It's all very casual. French
doors run the entire width of one wall; they are opened to the back lawn,
guests move from the room to outside and back in.  It is crowded; bits of
conversation and clinking glasses can be heard.  Two men, California-tanned,
stand by the French doors talking.

    1ST MAN
  Well, you take a meeting with him, I'll
  take a meeting with you if you'll take
  a meeting with Freddy.

    2ND MAN
  I took a meeting with Freddy.  Freddy
  took a meeting with Charlie.  You take
  a meeting with him.

    1ST MAN
  All the good meetings are taken.

    CUT TO: FULL GROUP SHOT

A man stands talking, people in groups behind him.  Two born like gadgets are
attached to his shoulders; he's wearing a bizarre space costume.

    3RD MAN
  Right now it's only a notion, but I
  think I can get money to make it into
  a concept ... and later turn it into
  an idea.